thoughts on love

i have never thought of myself as a romantic. i dont mean romantic in the conventional sense of flowers and saying 'i love you'. i mean in the sense of dreaming and fantasizing about romance and the things that could come along with it.
this time last year i never thought i would be thinking about things like love and romance today.

i still dont know if i even want that to happen to me, its a frightening thing to let someone in, but if you want love like that then you have to let someone into your life.

frankly im annoyed with myself thinking about things like this.

on a less reflective note: i absolutely cannot wait to go surfing this summer. i love being a beach bum! ive already been looking on roxy for some new boardshorts (somehow i have lost my old ones) were renting a cottage down in wales for a week and i am going to tan, bbq, drink and play on the beach with my dad, brother and nanny (all of who i absolutely adore)

im going to make some coffee now and drink it all and get really hyped up.

ugh, the big black rainclouds that were in the sky this morning did not get my day off to a good start. im a lot happier when the sun is out, but i dont think i have that S.A.D. thing. im not that much of a hypochondriac. 

speaking of illness, my little brother jack isnt very well. ive been looking after him today and trying to convince him that he might have swine flu but unfortunately hes too sensible to believe me.

i saw two cats today on my way to buy more cancer sticks, one was sitting on the floor and the other one was up on its hind legs with its front paws on the fence. it looked like they were gossiping then one of them miaowed and i burst out laughing in the street. a passing car gave me a funny look. 

later on today i have a media class with dan, it should be quite fun even though were writing another essay. i hope he scraps that idea and just lets us watch newswipe again. 

my little brother who is sitting watching me type this has just suggested that i dye my hair ginger "just for the hell of it". i dont think so jack. 

people i want to mention- 

Amelia Johnson - shes funny, shes beautiful, shes talented and shes the sweetest girl ive ever met. I'm so glad i joined her drama class 3 years ago because i made one of the best friends i could ever hope to have. love you mimi!

Jack Burley -  I think because hes older than me i take notice of his advice more then i'll take notice of anyone elses. i also have complete faith in his taste in music. i love everything that he plays to me which is odd as i have very specific tastes in music.

thats all for now.

a new blog...

i dont know why im doing this but ive decided to start a blog. im aware that no one will read this but ill blog anyway. 

this week i barely attended college and i am probably on the verge of being kicked out. that will be three years down the drain.... i just dont see the point in being there anymore. 

i kind of feel like saturday wasnt what i had expected. i thought maybe if i changed by not drinking so much that other things would change, but they didnt. i just felt like a deflated balloon once i had finally got home at 4 in the morning.

however, saturday wasnt completely useless i did get to talk to my twitter friend ben for (what i consider to be) the first time face to face. it was nice to talk to someone who i dont see all the time. what wasnt so great about that was being accused of coming on to him after i had spoken to him, it made me feel like someone who i thought was my friend didnt know me at all. 

ella and i managed to lose andrea's sister. i dont know how you can lose a whole person. i usually lose keys, cashcards and my balance on a night out. i hope shes okay.

it was nice that i made things up with rory, after months of hating each other we reconciled at revolver. at least parites and things wont be so difficult when we're both there now. 

the 'schnapps party' on the coach on the way back was so strange. drinking straight schnapps then being came on to by someone who i thought was my friend wasnt what i wanted at all.

this week should be boring. ive got nothing going on. as of yet.

hopefully ill be able to arrange another day to go for a run with paris and boj because regradless of being completely shattered after. it was good to get out and do something i dont usually do.

thats it. im done rambling on.